I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
