I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
someone owes me an orgasm
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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