I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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