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im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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