She's JV to your varsity
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.