I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"