Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care