goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.