Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut