just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..