Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.