Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize