Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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