he wants to bone in the snuggie
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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