He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
