I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
