'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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