I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
