If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
