So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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