I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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