We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
