OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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