Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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