i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am naked and annoyed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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