I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
