I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
