You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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