Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
