I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
