Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
