So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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