Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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