i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.