dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat