I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
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Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick