You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night