So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.