I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.