Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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