I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
