Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
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#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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