i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In other news, I just burned my penis
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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