He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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