if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
