I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
