I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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