The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
