Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
