i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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