1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
