Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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