listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
