the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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