How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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