I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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