she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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