Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
