Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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