Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
