at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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